Tuesday, June 15, 2010

harem scarem

I’ve avoided this topic for a long time, because I feel that it’s just too ridiculous to waste an RSI-inducing typing frenzy and resultant image search. But here we are. I’m about to write the words; harem pants.

Call them what you will. Some are referred to as drop crotch, some are closer to jodhpurs, the general term is harem pants, but these silhouette-defying, crotch-swinging fart pants (that’s what we called them, back in the Hammer days) are too far from Arabian nights to be seen in my books.

Ok, we’ve seen some nice examples on the runways. But let’s be reasonable; what else do you see on the runway that you, as a normal person, wouldn’t put on your body if you were paid. No one’s running around with their bra out à la Lady Gaga and the resulting runway fashion. No one is wearing hoof shoes, even after the demise of Alexander McQueen.

High fashion is a visual feast best taken with a grain of salt.

So what of these harem pants? I’ve seen a sports version, kind of princess Jasmine-goes-to-the-gym style trackies which aren’t too bad. Especially if you aren’t too keen on figure-hugging sportswear. But full-on puff pants? Sparkly ones even! If I actually see someone in the outside world wearing these things I’ll eat my hat. I’ll also point at them and yell “No!” (Possibly only in my head, but in my head they will cower in shame and run away to remove said pants for something more acceptable.) Ah, imaginary redemption.

The worst case of fail is these drop-crotch travesties. The name produces imagery of a person who recently poo’d their pants and now has to wander around with their crotch hanging low so said poo doesn’t rub on their pant legs. I can only imagine the wearers of these pants walking awkwardly with legs akimbo like some kind of high-fashion crab. A Dr Zoidberg woop-woop wouldn’t go astray. Imean What Is The Point? To look like you mistakenly wore pants and a skirt but then got the skirt hooked in your undies after a trip to the bathroom. Front and back.

Seriously, it looks like when I was a kid and used to sometimes put my jumpers on my legs like pants. Is this what the designers are going for? Reminiscent imagery of childhoods past? If so, I suggest a fashion called “the fly”, where a garment is worn on the head, and although it may bear a striking resemblance to undies, it is in fact haut couture. Send money now.

No comments:

Post a Comment